Preparation

I have never been good at preparing.  Perhaps this is one of the numerous reasons I married a card carrying member of the Eagle Scouts.  :)  Planning, at least for me, is generally done internally.  I create check lists, visualize scenarios and then promptly file them away for when I need them.  Did I mention I am queen of procrastination too?  :)

Last night husband and I made a run to the labor and delivery floor.  Everything is totally fine, we were just being cautious.  I am convinced the purpose of the trip was to reveal our total and complete lack of preparation for Baby Squirt.  Up until now we have casually talked about "Oh, we should do this" or  "Maybe we should pack a bag now."  Last night, en route to the hospital, we realized the infant car seat resided in a trash bag next to the Christmas decor in our attic.  At our home.  Still in storage from a year ago.  Awesome.

We also realized we haven't taken the time to prepare our home to grow.  I know that sounds odd.  My first reaction to my own thought is, "Well it's a little late now!" but honestly, adding to a family takes some preparation.  We've been talking to Sesame about Squirt, but haven't done as much discussing amongst the two of us.

I thought of the gospels.  John the Baptist's sole job being to prepare a way for Christ.  "And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him, to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God..." (Luke 1:76-78) and "You yourselves can testify that I said, ‘I am not the Messiah but am sent ahead of him.’ " (John 3:28)  How cool.  How awesome that my Lord and Savior would see preparation so important to the human experience that he would send a single person, filled with the Holy Spirit, to clear the way for Christ to reveal Himself.


Now, I'm not saying that this is on the same level as our preparation for Squirt.  Goodness gracious no.  I'm just recognizing how important preparation is to humanity.  This isn't the only place we see God specifically taking time and making effort to prepare His people for an event.  We see it in Matthew 26:17-30 with the preparation for the Passover, which, come to find, is really a time of Christ preparing his disciples for His physical departure from them.  We see it in the Old Testament numerous times in preparation for battle (Joshua), to re-build the temple (Ezra), to prepare for a nation to be born and show the light of Christ (Genesis) and a call to followers to Prepare for the Lord by removing obstacles from their paths. (Isaiah)  


The Lord knows our nature.  He created it.  Established it.  He even ordains the anointed human soul when unblemished by sin.  There is a need, a desire, to be prepared in all of us; even if we don't always feel that small to-do list in the back of our minds.  When that need is unmet, worry and anxiety set in and preside which is something we are not called to act upon (Philippians 4:6).  The kinds of preparation we see in the Bible are eternal.  They all work/worked together to prepare for the final coming of the King.


Now, like I said, I know our preparation for Squirt is not on a level playing field with Christ's return.  I mean, hello!  But, for whatever reason, the Lord has layed these two ideas on my heart in tandem.  Squirt will be arriving (hopefully not for 4-5 more weeks) and will be tiny, new and helpless.  As the Momma and Daddy it's our job to care for this completely dependent life.  It's our job to mold this tiny personality.  The first step in this process is to be models for Christ.  How can we present Christ to our infant if we are worried?  If we are anxious?  If we are unprepared?  I'm not saying we need to go all Mom-zilla with five thousand plans,etc. but having the car seat ready and bag packed, might be a good idea.  :)  Christ didn't just show up in the world, He let people know what was coming and even how to prepare for Him.


Maybe it's time we made a list to be a bit more prepared.

There Are Days...

...when ants invade my home twice in one day.  Again.
...when the laundry room curtain falls down on my head.
...when the dog won't stop barking loudly.
...when my attitude stinks like husband's dirty socks.
...when I feel like I yell "No!" all day long.  Even though I don't.
...when I just want to lay down and sleep.
...when all I do is complain to myself in my head all day.
...when I am so negative, rays of seething anger and disgust radiate from my head like an overheated cartoon character.
...when my laundry is clean, but in a ginormous pile on my bed.
...when I eat Easter candy and leftover junk food most of the day.
...when I just can't operate.

and then I remember...

I didn't read my Bible today.
I didn't pray today.
I didn't spend time actually reading the sticky notes of Bible verses around my house.
I didn't put first things first.

Lord, forgive me for teaching these traits to my daughter.  Forgive me for falling to sinful nature and wallowing in selfish pity and thoughts.  Forgive me the broken sinner that I am.

Let's make tomorrow better Lord.  :)

"Worry weighs a person down, but a kind heart cheers a person up." Proverbs 25:12

Livin' in the Momma Hood

This week has been particularly trying.  Sesame woke up on Monday morning sounding like Darth Vader and Chewbacca had a love child.  Come to find out, she has Croup and a sinus infection.  If this winter were labeled for posterity sake, it would be titled "A Plague of Illness Upon Our House."  We just can't seem to make it more than a weekend with all of us well.

That said, and also noting we currently have one operational vehicle, amounts to a fair amount of time quarantined in our own home.  I love being home, don't get me wrong.  Usually I relish in the hours spent finger-painting and playing in cookie trays of beans.  I don't mind staying in the confines of our adorable house.  But this week has been a bit different.

Sesame has gone from no fever to 101 in the span of half an hour.  This means were coloring pictures for Grammy and five minutes later she's a limp noodle wanting nothing more than to have Momma "hold you." (aka hold her).  My patience has been worn.  After going several days sans potty accidents (including an accident free day whilst traveling!) she had five accidents in one day.

My house looks like a tornado hit.  The load of laundry in the dryer has been there since 7:00 this morning.  The are dishes piled on the counter from the past two days.  The batcave (aka bathroom) looks like a brigade of pre-schoolers came in and played "Win, Lose or Draw" on the walls, and left towels and wash cloths draped over every drape-able surface.  We ate frozen pizza for dinner last night and Kraft Mac and Cheese tonight.

And I have been home since Sunday evening.  How is this possible?!

I lamented my frustrations to my Momma tonight on the phone.  "I just feel so lazy!  Nothing has been done in our house and I haven't left for three days.  Not even to run to the grocery store!?"  "Emily," she said, "You haven't done nothing. You've taken care of a sick little girl.  She hasn't been hysterical or crying the whole time, despite being sick.  You are doing something."

It's hard to remember that sometimes.  It's hard to remember among the piles of toys and laundry that snuggling my fever ridden daughter, is part of my job.  It's hard to remember that watching "The Kite" episode of Shaun the Sheep 5 times in a row, is part of my job.  It's hard to remember that being pooped on, is part of my job.  Mostly, it's hard to remember that all of those things are contributing to the character of Sesame.  How I react to everything establishes a portion of her personality.

In the end, she won't remember the dirty dishes, the laundry and Mac and Cheese.  She'll remember the "goodest blanket" that we snuggle under, in Momma's bed, when she's sick.  And the chicken noodle soup.  And the two baths a day.  And the book reading.

That's what I remember at least.

I suppose my prayer in all of this is to learn patience and contentment.  To be resting in the role the Lord has placed me in during this time and season of life.  Hopefully, I'll get the hang of this soon, what with the family growing and all! :)

Baby Jesus

First off, it must be noted that my daughter and I may or may not be decimating a bag of Chili's tortilla chips and salsa for dinner.  Obviously, I am a great mother who always feeds her child a nutritious dinner.  (Please tell me you noted the sarcasm in that statement.)

Today my awesome-tacular Momma kept Sesame so I could have my hairs trimmed up.  My mop was beginning to look a lot like this:

While John Lennon can carry this crazy hairdo well, I do not think it becomes my feminine side.  Anywho, My Momma was keeping Sesame.  : )  We sat in her living room, consuming leftover chocolate cake with chocolate icing while Sesame played with the Willow Tree Nativity set on my parents coffee table.  "Now Sesame, do you know who that is?" I asked.  "Bay-be Jeee-sus."  "Yes," I said, "That's right!"  She carried on, talking to herself and mumbling.  Then she came across a Bible.  "Bye-boooowl."  she exclaimed to no one in particular.  THen our conversation went something like this:

"Yes, Sesame, that's God's true Word."
"Two Word." She mimicked.
 "Sesame, God's true Word says that Jesus came to the earth as a baby..."
 "Bay-Be Je-sus." "and then died on a cross..."  "Cross...criiiiiiii - ing."
"That's right, it was very sad, but not for long because Jesus took all our sins, died and rose again on Easter!"
  "YAY!  Happy!"
"That's right, happy.  And if you chose to ask Jesus into your heart someday, you will live forever with Him in Paradise, because He will forgive all your sins!"
She paused and said "Please?"

This is the point at which I began to shed a few tears.  My baby, my almost two-year-old Sesame, is already willing to ask Jesus into her heart.  Now, I know she's only two, and this is just her trained response to a question, but I can't help but rejoice in the thought that she didn't say, "No."  : )  I'm overwhelmed with joy at the thought of her inspecting the Bible, even though she can't read it.  I am ecstatic at the thought of her telling her 2 year old playmates about the "True Word" (thank you BSF) and Jesus.  How beautiful. That little snippet of time in my Momma's living room today is a glimpse into the joy that will beholden unto me when my daughter actually accepts the Lord (as I pray everyday!) someday.  My heart was overflowing today, what will the Lord do on that day when she chooses to recognize she is a child of His.  I cannot wait.  : )

'Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to Your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

A Video, A Photo and A Verse.

So... this video is a month old now.  Sorry for the noisy locust sounds - under the trees, by the sand box there is no escaping their cacophny.

That's my girl.  I heart her.  : )  She's working on verbs these days to go with all the nouns she's learned.  Too fun.

Also, let it be known that Sesame rocks the braided pigtails.  It's true.

And, yes , that is my messy garage that is full of stuff to be moved to the attic, put in a garage sale or really (let's be honest) just needs to be tossed.  Seriously, three rusted silver spoons, who wants those???  Maybe the American Pickers, but even they might run from my garage screaming "Hoarder, Hoarder!" (Yes, that's right, I both watch and referenced American Pickers.  I am not ashamed.)

Moving on...  I just really feel like the Lord is teaching me to remember His bigness these days.  We have several friends facing insurmountable odds - things like divorce, cancer, leukemia, miscarriage - things that just seem too big.  But Jesus is bigger than anything.  He isn't surprised by anything.  After Hannah gives birth to Samuel and takes him to the temple she prays the most beautiful prayer of praise.  The second verse says: "No one is Holy like the Lord!  There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God." (1 Sam. 2:2)  I just keep thinking of this verse.  I woke up last night with this passage on my heart.  God is solid, immovable, consistent.  He is mightier than anything we will ever face.  There is such comfort in that knowledge.  I mean, think about it, Jesus overcame death and sin.  Hello - what could be more difficult than that!?  Today I am resting in the promise that God is in control, He is BIG and He is holy.

A Response to the Call

I have a lovely college roomie.  Well, 7 lovely college roomies, but this post is about one of them and her blog this week.  Katie (whom I generally call by first and last name..but won't, because these are the interwebs and there are creepers out there.) wrote up this post two days ago about a refugee family living in Indianapolis.  I immediately commented and then called her.  The family has nothing.  As in, NUH-THING.  And, yes, I meant to yell that.  With a broken heart she called out to all her blog stalkers and interweb friends for help.

The response: overwhelming.  Because of the amount of donations she will be helping several refugee families in the apartment complex with basic necessities, like soap, coats and under garments. How awesome!

I am amazed at how a response to the Lord's call to "learn to do right, seek justice, encourage the oppressed,. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." (Isaiah 1:17) is blessed!  I also find it breath-taking the number of people she has talked to with the same mindset.  "I have all this, but I didn't know where to take it.  I just want someone who really needs it to have it."  It's almost as if God were preparing people for this to happen.  : )  I love God - He's so cool.

So, for the next couple days I have dubbed myself the Southside Donation Driver.  Wanna help??  Send me an email and I'll gladly collect your donations and get them to Katie.

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:11, 12

Library

::Warning - long, serious, non-picture post ahead::

We are library lovers.  It's true.  While our library is quite quaint and tiny, we love ever inch of it.  Sesame even requests, "Lie-Bee" when we haven't visited in awhile.  The library I grew up attending is not ours, but it's still close.  And it happens to share a parking lot with a park.  Park + Library + Coffee Shop IN the library = happy baby and happy Momma.  : ) 


So, today, since the sun is shining, it's only 83 degrees and I can actually breathe the air outside, aka low humidity in these parts, we made a trip to the park.  Sesame was elated.  Climbing the stairs, squealing and demanding assistance on the slide.  In her defense, the slide is pretty huge.  Also, the last time I made her go alone, she snorted a bug, choked slightly and then almost fell off at the end of the slide.  I think she might be scarred.  Anyway, we had a grand time!  : )  If I could get the video off my phone, it would be plunked right here.


After about 20 minutes or so, it dawned on her, 'the library is right there and we haven't been'  She she began with her "Lie-Bee!  Momma, Lie-Bee," to which I promptly scooped her up, and skipped inside.  Sesame navigated to the back of kids section - where all the toys are.  There were two other mothers, and a father, with their children there when we arrived.  One mother was on the floor with her ~3 year old son and ~18 m. old daughter.  The father was sitting on a mini couch, knees up to his glasses, scanning a notebook while his munchkin of 3 flipped the pages of a Clifford book.  The other mother was sitting at a table near the edge of the rug, reading a paperback book of some sort.  Her four children ranged from ages 18 mos - 8 years.  The two middle children being around 3 & 6, and decked out in the Superman and princess costumes.  The oldest boy seemed to be caring for the children as he frequently wrangle the youngest back from the shelves of books to the play area. Sesame jumped right in, playing with the other children, now and then looking to see where I was. 


The father and first mother left shortly after we arrived, and another family walked in.  The two girls who looked to be 4 & 5 (I found out they were actually 3 &4 - just very tall) with beautiful, dark curly hair.  I sat next to the newest mother and asked about her girls.  She had a gorgeous Persian accent.  Her daughters had Persian sounding names as well.  She commented on Sesame's agility (she may or may not have been attempting to climb the puppet stand...which I did stop!) and vocabulary.  I commented on her daughters behavior as well.  It was clear we both demanded good behavior from our girls.  


She was so interesting.  We talked about girl's hair - I picked up some tips on how to tame Einstein-Kramer's wafro - I asked how she met her husband - she said college, but he was American - I asked where she was from originally - she said Iran - She asked me if I was Romanian - I said no, but I actually get that alot! - I found out she was in school at IUPUI - I told her my degree was from there -  Then, all of a sudden, the Momma reading her paperback book barked out, "Bobby!  Just ignore them, they're being rude!  Stay away from them!"  We both looked up and saw that barking mother was talking about my new friend's daughters.  


Who were across the room.  
Not even really playing with barking Mom's kids.  


One of Friend's girls came over to her mother.  I almost burst into tears.  It was extremely obvious what was happening.  


I just looked at Friend, stunned.  She said to her daughter, "It's okay sweetheart," hugging her close, "Why don't you two look at the puppets?"  "I'm so sorry," I said.  "It happens.  People just look at their faces and make a decision that quickly about who we are."  I wanted to hug this woman.  I wanted to tell her I was shocked.  I can't even being to imagine what those girls are going to face, what their mother will face.  What did she saw to them when they got in the car?  Did she address what happened?  How do I address this situation?  What am I going to tell Sesame when this happens, and she is aware that it's happening around her?


I do know that I will tell her all people are "...fearfully and wonderfully made..." (Psalm 139:14) by God and we are called by Him to "...love one another, as I have loved you..." (John 13:34) and treat others better than ourselves.  I know I will tell her that God, in His Word, talks about loving everyone in John, in Romans, in Ephesians, in Galatians, in 1 Peter and most of all in 1 John. I know I will open up the Bible and tell her God does not want the behavior of the Barking Mom from us, he calls us to more than that.


In the end, I exchanged email addresses with Friend.  We talked about getting the girls together to play. She asked, when she found out I did photography, if I could do photos of her girls, so she could send them home.  I said, yes, of course, please, I'd love to.  Just like that, in fact.  :)  I really hope she does reply to my email.


As we left the library, I kept turning the scene over and over in my mind.  Was I being judgmental of the Barking Mom?  Did I miss something?  Were the girls bothering her children?  Then, I stopped.  The moment was over.  I handled it as best I could at the time.  Now, it was time to start praying.  For Friend, for Barking Mom, for Friend's daughters, for Sesame and for me.  "Sesame," I said, "Let's say a blessing."


And we did.  Right there.  In the library parking lot.

There Are Days...

...when I think Conrad will never get home from work.

...when I don't think I can wash one more white undershirt.

...when I let the baby play with the dog toys.

...when I avoid my own room.

...when I put Sesame in the tub to calm her down.

...when I eat a hot dog, blueberries and cheese chunks with Nells.

...when I let a load of laundry sit in the washer.

...when let a movie or music or tv play all day - just for the noise.

...when I sulk and whine, which causes someone else to sulk and whine, which is a mess.

...when I vacuum the furniture and ceiling fan...instead of doing the tower of dishes from the weekend.

...when I miss just holding my baby.

...when I refuse to fold socks...because none of them have mates anymore.

...when I shovel the snow off the walkway...instead of doing the tower of dishes from the weekend.

Then I realize...

...those are the days I never open my Bible.

...those are the days I miss my kitchen window post-it prayers...because I avoided the dishes.

...those are the days I don't read a Bible story to Nells.

...those are the days I don't walk with the Lord.

...those are the days He reminds me just how much I need Him.

We All Have a Story...

...What's yours?

Drivin' Home

I dropped Sesame off at Yia Yia's house (my mom, aka grandma to Sesame) about a half hour/hour ago to get some work done at home. It's taking the entire time to dump some video so I can start working on the editing part. Wish I would've thought to do that earlier this morning! Anyway...

As I drove home I noticed negative thoughts brewing in my brain. Nothing too hideous, just negative thoughts. Something like:" Oh we have so much to do....Why can't we just stay home...Why would we commit to so much at once...I'm so tired...The laundry will never all be done...The dog smells like tuna..." You get the point. Then I was struck with the realization that I was Queen of Sourville. "Why!? What is going on with me today!?" I thought. (And yes...I thought out loud.)

The realization number 5, 239 happened. I hadn't opened my Bible. I hadn't read a single verse. I tried to think of a verse I had memorized to ponder on and immediately had a negative reazction: "I've only ever memorized two or three verse...what's the point in repeating them to myself." Then the Lord felt it was time to hit me over the head with a broomstick. A flood of verses popped into my head that I didn't even know I knew. I might not have known where to find them in the Word, but I KNEW they were in there.

It was just a reminder for me - a reminder of the power of the Lord and our cries to Him. He is amazing and when we truly realize we need His Word, even if it's not within arms reach, or we don't think we have the time, He will provide you with pieces of the Bible. He will bless you with His Spirit and cover you in His grace. All you have to do is ask. Or, in my case, say Lord I don't know any verses. :)

no eloquence here...just ruffled feathers.

so. i have been thinking about some verses lately. i came across one a few days ago and then several since then. i keep looking at them thinking: 'hmm...i should write this down in some fashionable font and hang them on my wall.' but we're out of wall space in the golbov household. so then i thought: 'self, why don't you write a lovely little essay or piece including a dissection of these verses. maybe you could connect them somehow???' but then, it lacked any sort of clarity or beauty. that, i could not handle. then, i read in inanera's post this morning: "If there was a well-designed blog [NOT Bible Gateway] that was dedicated to entering nuggets [I hate that word] of the Bible, would you read it?" after this i thought: 'emily ann, the word of God is enough alone. if He blesses you with some sort of insight, but all means share it. but if he simply lays these verse on your heart, he will use them how he sees fit.' hence, i give you some verses on my heart:

"Keep on loving each other as brothers and sisters. Don't forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it! Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies." Hebrews 13:1-3

• on this particular verse i have a comment (or two...forgive me!) my pastor recently preached on this passage. his point, rather God's point, to quote him "It's not about how to go to church but how to do church." so true.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8 (bet you can't guess what book of the Bible we're going through in church right now! (; )

"'I am who I am' say this to the people of Israel: yaweh, the God of your ancestors, -- the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob -- has sent me to you. This is my eternal name, my name to remember for all generations." Exodus 4"14, 15

"You are my God, and I will praise you! You are my God, and I will exalt you! Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever!" Psalm 118: 28,29

• perhaps i am being taught a lesson in the endurance of the Lord. a lesson in His unchanging nature, regardless of my changing nature. He is the same always.
  

"The world would love you as one of it's own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you." John 15:19

• this last one is from the study i am doing in John during my morning devotions. i love the way Kathleen, the author of the study references this verse: "Jesus said outrageously true things in order to shine light on people. We keep them to ourselves in order to avoid problems or criticism or misunderstandings. Do we want to be a light or not? Do we want to be well-liked, popular? It won't work. They hated Jesus...they are going to hate us. Get past it."
  

thank you Lord for your Word. thank you for making it accessible to me on a daily basis. thank you for sending your Spirit to tickle my brain and say "hey! this is important, don't ignore it! speak up, have courage and stop being politically correct for the sake of not ruffling feathers!"

so. ruffle away i will.