1. When a nice lady in the Aldi's parking lot offers you her cart and then hangs around like a bell hop waiting on a tip, you should put down the three bags for your groceries, put down the unruly 18-month-old on your right hip who keeps repeating "Hi, Hi, Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii," wrestle the stuffed dog and baby blankie in your left hand to find your purse, then proceed to dig around the bottom of your bag until you find a quarter 15 minutes later. After all, carts aren't free. And it wouldn't have been faster to get your own cart.
2. When being a smart shopper and hitting up a few different stores, do not, I repeat, do not, purchase milk at the first stop. Especially whole milk. In 98 degree, Indiana summer weather. Ew. Gross.
3. When the jovial post-mistress offers your 18-month-old daughter a sucker, do not allow her to hand the sucker directly to your daughter. Your daughter might eat the wrapper off and promptly swallow it, proclaiming in a loud, gratuitous manner "MMMMMMMM! MO! (aka more)." Awesome Mom bonus points for that one.
4. Upon returning home, do not allow said child to "help" put away the pop-tarts. They will end up in dog food bowl.
5. Do allow daughter to help put away dishes. The tupperware might end up all catty-whompus, but who cares. She's occupied, "helping" and not destroying the kitchen. Or eating wrappers. Or axle grease. Or Comet. Or anything else that might cause you to call poison control.