Friday, February 18, 2011

Potty Training Take 2: Day 3

Disclaimer:  This post talks about poop.  And pee.  And lots of it.

Dear mothers of the world,

     None of you warned me what this potty training business was like.  Day One was awesome!  Smooth sailing.  Lots of attempts with success, which means I'm the awesome, cool Momma who gets to pass Skittles out.  Yay.  But then Day Two came.  And Day Three.  Now I am mean Momma.  I demand every 20 minutes that we sit on the potty.  I am the Momma who says, "No, we cannot go to the park because you will pee everywhere.  We can, however, go in our backyard, because I don't care if you pee there."  We have had 7 failed potty attempts this morning.  All did start with "Potty Momma, Potty!" followed by a brisk sprint to one of the two mini-toilets in the house.  Sadly, she starts peeing shortly after telling me she needs to.  While this does make her brisk sprint morph into a cowgirl waddle by the time she's in front of the potty, it makes for lots [pause for emphasis] lots of wet laundry.

---------------------------------Beginning of Massive Poop Story----------------------------------

     Yesterday may have been the peak.  We had an event which I will forever call by name the "Poo Shoe" incident.  My dear friend was over for lunch, and to remind us humans still wander the earth beyond our walls, when Sesame disappeared.  I lost track of her for half a minute.  Half a minute.  That's thirty seconds.   During which she ran into my closet, shut the door and let a giant turd loose in her powder blue drawers.  Ew.  Gross.  Upon finding her she reminded me that if she pooped, she received a sucker.  "No," I said, "Only if the poopy is in the potty."  "Oh, dear."  she said and hung her sweet braided head.  Up the stairs we went.  Jenn even braved the putrid smell.  I decided laying her down would be best, since we only had a solid turd to work with.  Bad idea.

     As soon as I tugged her training pants down the poo flew out, resting near her tiny toes.  "AHHH!"  I yelled.  Because, really, what does one say when a solid poop turd flies around on a changing table!   Sesame, ever my mimic, began to scream with glee, thinking it a game, and flailing around with joy.  Normally this a non incident.  I like joy in my house.  I like squealing.  I do not, however, like tiny toddler feet that have a large piece of poop molded to them.

     That's right.  Sesame managed to aim her right inner heel to big toe directly into the magnificent poop.  Immediately after which she began to fling her foot about in an attempt to A) do the jitterbug or B) remove the poop.  Fortunately, Jenn was there and able to help me reign in the horror/laughter/baby feet, and remove the excrement.  Sesame just giggled the whole time.  I almost puked.

-------------------- End of Massive Poop Story------------------------------------------

     So.  Aside from that incident, the potty training is draining, but moving along, apparently, like normal.  What did you all do with potty training???  How did it work for you???  And, how in the WORLD did you manage to EVER leave the house?!!?  I feel like that day will never come.  :)


1 comment:

Lani said...

Leaving the house is definitely a challenge. I remember thinking, "Maybe we should just go back to diapers. This having to stop in the middle of the road for a potty break is for the birds!" But, eventually, it worked. I'm not really looking forward to doing it again with Jada. Oh, joy!