Never again be pregnant and...
1. deal with a ceiling that is leaking above the fireplace --- where the nice 42 inch plasma screen tv happens to be located!
note: hormones will not work in your favor & the tv weighs QUITE A BIT more than a pregnant woman should try to lift.
2. closely following said leaky ceiling ordeal open mail. it is entirely possible that you will receive a court summons. what for, you might ask, well what any court summons is for --- because the animal shelter never received confirmation that your dog was neutered. in April. and it's August.
note: this might incite a very impatient phone call in which you will sound not unlike the possessed girl in the Exorcist, which will make the dog pee on the carpet.
3. try to relieve stress by unpacking old boxes. one is sure to contain your report cards & test scores from kindergarten through senior year of high school. undoubtedly one of the report cards (5th grade) will contain a comment from the teacher such as: "emily is building a solid structure on her firm foundation; as a student, a person and a Christian." this comment is sure to insight a raging monsoon of hormonal tears, at which point your husband is sure to walk through the door, immediately assuming you are dying; but, of course, you're only crying because you want a teacher to say that about your child some day! duh. silly husband.
sigh. what a day.